Friday, November 28, 2008

You Want My Job?? Go For It!!!!

It's a funny thing when your clients are older than you are and sometimes they may not all take you that seriously! It never really occurred to me except for just recently. I'm no where near a baby, youngin', little girl etc... but, I haven't hit 30 yet either. Soooooo when one of my client's husbands decides to challenge my abilities, knowledge and experience, I'm like OK buddy, let's rock it out! You want to do my F-ing job?!?!?!
It's common with him even though he's only 6 yrs older than me and has only been riding (a DEAD-ASS broke 28 yr old Mare) for LESS than a year. Yet, he feels that horses should dominated upon and that they MUST do exactly what you ask them to!! OK ready for some examples?!?!?

NEVER push your luck!!! His wife's horse was being a bit of a stinker when it came to cantering so I had her on the lunge line and was getting her to canter fabulously, so I told "Macho Husband Man" go ahead and hop up there and just sit there. Don't use the reins, your legs nothing. I just need her to canter with you on her back. OK, so the mare does and we love her up for it! The next time I say "OK, go ahead and add a little bit of leg, so she begins to learn her canter cue." Ge does we're high-fiving, then we decide to push our luck. So, Macho man decides he wants her to canter OFF the lunge line. Well, we haven't quite gotten that far in our raining yet, and as I"m saying NO! He's already trotting around the arena doing the fastest trot I've ever sen. Smack, smack goes the crop... AHHHHHHHHH So then he say to me "you wanna try" and against my better judgement I say sure. Well I didn't really try very hard at ALL. I just kind of let her plug around the arena. Then I immediately got off and gave the mare many hugs, and treats! ALWAYS end where you want to and stick by THAT!! I was pissed at myself for days, for not yanking his ass off that horse when I SAID that she was done.

He always says to me "well come on YOUR the trainer. Miss Badass!" Yeah well let's keep in mind that I'm also a very ALIVE Miss Badass Trainer *snork* I like being alive!! But whatever. Anyway, so I'll tell him "Oh you think this is easy? Breaking a horse for the first time??? It takes patience and some strength to hang on if the poor thing goes a little loopy. I get kicked at, boxed at, bucked off, reared at, ya know...all the crap YOU'RE too much of a chicken 'S' to be around, hence why you pay me!!" Yet he always thinks he knows better and more. LMAO!!!!

Ooooh I have a neat-o little plan for him though!!! So friends of mine aquired this pony. We called her "little B." She was not a nice pony in anyway shape or form. So naturally I'm working her and it just so happens that my friend and her hubby are at my place watching. He keeps saying. "Oh come on it's just a pony! What are you waiting for?!?!" *ooooh headdesk!* OK, OK, it's time to put your money where your mouth is!! So I convince him to come out into the arena and assist me with this pony. All he has to do is just lean his weight over her back. That's it!!! Now keep in mind that I would never put him in a spot where he'd get hurt EVER, he's actually a totally fabulous guy when we're not discussing horses. Ahahahhaah. SO! He is attempting to scramble his way onto this 13.2 hh pony *snickers* and it occurs to me that I"m going to need his wife's help. Both of us "womenfolk" held onto to the pony while he got up there and the pony was NOT a happy camper!! She was squirming and prances and man oh man I have NEVER seen someone fly off a pony and run away that fast in all my life!!!! He decided there after that it was best to leave the breaking and actual TRAINING" of the horse up to me!! PHEW! That's the end of that!!!!!
NOT!! Trailering. He is very stubborn when it comes to how horses should trailer! *Um, Hello!! Remember you've been around horses less than a year!!* Well the barn that his wife boards at has people who only trailer their horses a certain way and that includes no matter WHAT the horse MUST back out of the trailer no matter what the circumstances!! Well, that really doesn't always fly with me and so when we went to go pick up a terrified horse, put it in the trailer, drive it home, he can't get the horse out!! Mwauahahahaaa. So it's like "Hey how do you get this horse out??" "Um... Turn him the hell around and walk him out!" Well even though there was MORE than enough room, he says no way, instead he'd rather keep trying to back the horse up and smack him on the chest! All the while the horse is scared out of his mind. Well this time I've had enough, I grab the horse, flip him around and WALK him out of the trailer as calm as can be! OOOH He was super agitated that I did that, but you know what? As a horse trainer you MUST know EXACTLY when, where, and what the circumstances are if you decide to pick a fight with a horse. And right then... it was not necessary to pick a fight with the old gelding.

By now me and his wife, my actual client, have become very close friends and we have just learned to brush off some of the things he says as absolute bullhonkey!!! I just keep reminding him that if he's so inclined, he can certainly take over for me! *grin* The really funny thing is I always get a "HELL NO!!! Are you CRAZY??" Lmao!!! Yeah you know, I just may be!!


horsesandponies4ever said...

That remindes me of all the people who I used to be around. I was just a measily stable hand who had to know nothing about horses, and just ordered to do whatever, snort. No I just decided I would rather remain alive and be choosey in the horses I rode. I liked being ALIVE and so I would want to remain that way. Some of the horses there for training, were really rank, and some of them were okay. And some people there were idiots and thought they could take advantage of me. Why? Because your stinkin rich? I'm not stupid, not in the least.

Mikolaj said...

I notice this seems to be a very male habit. It's funny you posted this because just last night I got talking to a guy I met online who says he also loves horses. He then proceeds to tell me that he'd love to come out and show ME how to ride. Um, can you repeat that? I've been riding horses since before I could walk, and been training 'em for half that long. We have one heck of a foul tempered mare under saddle, she was taught by a previous owner that galloping and bucking are the only two gaits that exist. This mare is a hard ride and my best friend has been working on her for over 7 years to bring her into some reasonable degree of control. This dude proceeds to tell me no horse can ever shake him, and he'll have her behaving in 10 minutes! I must admit, the sadistic part of me is happily envisioning the trip to the emergency room he's going to have to take.

But hey, he's been training his uncles "mare geldings" (his exact words) since he was a boy, and had to deal with his "chetlan" pony trying to roll in the mud with him. Oh and he also trains working cow horses by "pulling on the left and the right rain". His uncle never taught leg pressure because he was "old school". And running a stable means turning out, feeding and shovelling shit for an entire summer.

Honestly, where on earth do these people COME from?

Trainer X said...

ROFLMAO** OMG!!! Who in the F is this guy??? *tears down chheeks* I'm sorry that was a terrific post!! Hahahahah thank you thank you!! I know it is a guy thing... and frankly they can kiss the whitest part of my behind!! Besides we females are more patient, understanding, logical and have a WAYYYYYY higher pain tolerance than our male counterparts!! LOLZ!!!! Again thank you Mikolaj, that was hysterical!!!! *chetlands? snork*

wvfarmgirl said...

My fiance seems to think the best way for him to learn to ride is to be the first to get on the green and unbroken rescues that come in. I can't seem to beat that thought out of his head with a 2x4, but I'm sure as hell trying!

2toads2luv said...

DEFINITELY a guy thing! I dated a guy who like to tell me all about his riding experience.

So, when brushed the horse like a big sissy, I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything when he did the breast collar with the cinch still hanging down. (Although it was painfully obvious by this point his stories were just that, stories.)

So anyhoo, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer- at some point safety has to be a factor. He was pissed, I thought it was funny, because he was such a big fat liar. And I laughed out loud when, according to his story, the horse "turned wild and started bucking". Um, no, that's called a trot, and you did a classic slip, slip, slip off... F*ing dumbass.

That pretty much ended that relationship! Well, not pretty much. It DID end the relationship.

And, I also dated a guy who actually DID know what he was doing, but felt the constant need to challenge me on MY knowledge. Uses for a half halt, how to engage the hind end, bits and bitting... Exhausting. He looked great in the saddle, the constant jaw flapping was too much.

kestrel said...

Hah! Funniest thing I ever saw was a beautiful QH mare, trained to the OMG,s, up for sale. Here comes Cowboy beerbelly, jumps up on the mare, sinks in the spurs. The mare stalked down the driveway and across the road into a plowed field, and proceeded to cut loose. She threw him so high she had time to make another couple of jumps before he landed! She bucked a circle around him, then literally handed him the reins with a devilish glint in her eye! The cowboy turned down the offer and led her back, muttered that she wasn't broke, and left. The mare went to a really nice amateur lady, and went on to a long career of showing and pleasure riding. She's the mare anybody but an arrogant jerk can ride!

Mikolaj said...

Kestrel - I LOVE those horses. My old Arab gelding was much the same - had zero tolerance period for braggers. You had to ask him, not tell him. I cannot count how many half decent riders he made eat dirt, and then turning around and happily plodding in circles for the 70 year old woman or 5 year old child!

Trainer X - I was in hysterical disbelief the entire time. I told my roomie about it this morning (one who actually owns the crazy mare) and she was practically on her hands and knees begging me to bring him out. As I said, I've been riding since the dawn of forever, and last ride on this mare I'm still recovering from big black ugly bruises on my knees and thighs from enduring her rodeo act! Part of me is smiling evilly, the other side is wincing at getting blood stains out of the car seat. Maybe I'll clarify he needs to find he own way to the hospital =P In the beginning I was outraged, by the end it was so obvious he was talking out his ass, I couldn't stop laughing. Apparently in Hicksville, that kind of talk lands you a girlfriend! *rolls eyes*

GoLightly said...

I was lucky, I guess. I'm tall, and kinda intimidating looking:)
The owners I worked with knew, at least, they were paying for my expertise.
Got called "Sir" a lot in my early years, before I met my husband and grew mammaries.
at 45 years old!
One kid, a boss's mom, asked, within my earshot, "Is she a witch?"
This was before my rhinoplasty. A smaller nose really helped with the gender questions.
Thanks DAD, for the nose. Thanks, Mom, for the surgery. Trouble is I'd still rather have my Mom alive, than to grant that wish she'd wanted for me, when I was 18.
Inheritance is a strange thing!

Patience, TX. Age is often unfairly classified as experience. So is having a set of testicles.
(Did I say THAT!!)

All of your stories are hilarious!

Mister Tee said...

"You're" the trainer.

YOU ARE the trainer.

YOUR trainer