Tuesday, November 25, 2008

My Horse is Going to Kill You...

I apparently own the "Intimidator." And he wants you dead, or at least for you to wish you were dead.

OK so my main show horse is a 16hh Arabian Sporthorse and he is the love of my horsey life, however his personality can be compared to that of a bully (or satan). He has impeccable ground manners and is even better under saddle, there isn't a show I can't go to where we don't clean up (for me of course). But he loves to fuck with people LOL!!!! He is a mind-fu*ker. He will do very random insane things that I brush off as him just being him, but to other people he is a spawn of Satan. He's just a Mama's boy, that's all. If someone else leads him out of the trailer he'll jump out of it like he's a Lipizzaner doing a Capriole, announcing to everyone that he's arrived. He walks out like a perfect gentle men for me though... ugh *damn me for spoiling him* He will whinny and scream if you dare to turn your back on him. He will strike and paw at the ground if he's irritated. He'll prance and dance in circles around if he thinks he can get away with it. He's your typically bully. He'll read you like a book and then use it to terrorize you. He smells your fear like a nice patch of fresh clovers. Who said horses were dumb?

So none of this ever occurred to me until my own boyfriend, his friends, and a lot of my clients and their spouses told me they couldn't believe I handled him, that he was crazy and would for surely murder me. Well to me he's just my baby, and you know like a TYPICAL CHILD, he never pulls his bullshit when Mom's around. Although I have seen it. Honestly with or without me around he will be a perfect gentleman IF you stand up to him. But try telling non-horsey people that. "Stand up to HIM?!?!?! You're crazy!!!" No, no, no it's just showing him you're the boss and that although he's adorable he needs to listen and behave. Once you gain his semi-respect (or tolerance at least) he'll be a nice sweet little boy with his cute brown eyes and sweet face looking at you oh so lovingly. Oh my God don't fall for it!!!! He's a user, he just wants your cookies!!!

Now I know we all have or have had that ONE (or two, or five, oh crap) horse that will do no wrong in the eyes of his mother. The horse that is without question positively angelic for us. *sigh* Oh and how we fawn over them. We'll give them everything we've got. They're like giant leeches sucking the life and money out of us. But we wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING!!

They show and perform for us perfectly (mostly) and do nothing but make us smile. And for that we may look the other way when their child/spoiled like behavior comes pouring out like a broken dam.

OMG!!! Now that I think about it he probably is freakin crazy, but I love him and am wrapped around his pretty gray hoof. His very spoiled hoof *wait a minute* the horse who loves to terrify the innocent and weak *holy shit*. Having him is like being a woman in an abusive relationship "But I love him and he loves me!!!!" Oh to hell with it, I think they're right. I think he is the Devil's Horse!!! *grin*

19 comments:

2toads2luv said...

I have 2 thoughts on this one...

Once (100 years ago when I was barrel racing) I left my horse tied at the trailer with my then boyfriend and another friend to go pay entry fees. When I came back, one of them seriously had a stick in his hand and was close to hitting my horse. I flipped. However, they said when I left, he started acting crazy (the horse, not the asshat with the stick). I could tell from the way the ground looked that he had been trying to run hot laps at the end of his lead. The guys really did think the horse was going to hurt them. But as soon as he saw me, he returned to his normal, laid back QH state of mind.

Second story, my friend has a QH/Thoroughbred who was hand raised after his momma died of colic when he was 2 months old. Now that big SHITHEAD is going to hurt someone- he has long forgot he's a horse, and at 16+ hands, that's not fun. He sealed his asshole fate with me when he deliberately waited till I was in range and struck out at me (lucky for him, I was already wary of him and therefore on my toes- he missed). Beings this horse is my friend's "baby", I didn't quite feel ok beating him like he needed to be, but I did tell her I didn't want ANYTHING to do with him ever again. Any horse that is going to be that calculating needs a SERIOUS reminder as to his place in the herd. I was soooooo f*ing pissed!!

Trainer X said...

OMG YES!!!! There is totally a difference between Mama's boy horsey, and the truly deadly... it's one thing to spoil your horse and then your horse acts like a spoiled brat, but it's another when your horse is so far crazy(or spoiled) that they're actually out for blood.

wvfarmgirl said...

I have a rescue mare like this. She's perfect for others when I'm around, but used to attack strangers standing at her pasture fence. Her husband is the total opposite. He's my retired eventer and with me on his back it's buck, gallop, then buck some more. But I can put a kid on his back for a trail ride and he's the perfect gentleman.

By the by, just found you the other day and have read back to the beginning. You have a new follower. :)

Carin said...

Yup, got one like....or should I say, sent his crazy ass back to his owner. Who then had to call me to tell me that she can "lead him around the barn without a halter"......goooood for you. I'll send flowers when he stomps the shit out of you!

Trainer X said...

Thank you so much WVFarmgirl and Welcome :):):):):):)

Mikolaj said...

Haha, I know exactly what you mean! My Arab mare isn't AS bad, but she's definately a tester. I'm pretty much the only one who rides her (born on our farm, trained her, she's almost 10 now) so she can get pretty squirrely with other people. On the ground it's not bad, but regardless of who steps up on her, they get a good 15 minutes of Arab snot before she'll settle down. You have to prove you're good enough to stay on her, she has no tolerance for fraidy cats or bragging jerks who can't ride for a hill of beans. My best friend always makes kissy noises at her, and she pins her ears and just GLARES at her. I never get such attitude. I think a lot of it has to do with an issue I had at a boarding stable where a couple of girls hated ME so they took it out on my horse. So from a young age, the only interaction she had with people other then me was abuse. She's not out to get anyone, but you have to prove yourself to her before she's accept you.

The intelligence just astounds me.

HITBP said...

I have a story similar 2toads2luv's second story. I had a friend ask me to hold her FUGLY 2 year old stud. Despite the claims that she handled it everyday somethings tells me that was not true. That thing was all over the f***ing place. It alternated betweeen rearing and trying bite every four seconds. Don't you just hate when people buy ugly POS studs and then don't train them at all? The sad part is that she thinks this thing breeding quality. The thing is barely riding quality let alone breeding quality.

Trainer X said...

Mikolaj`~~ YES!!! That's exactly how my Gelding is!!! LMAO!!

HITBP~~ OMG!! We'll see her POS on Fugly's blog as a backyard breeder of crap!! LMAO!!!!!

Blatant Animal-Related Idiocy said...

My favorite part is when the horse is batshit crazy no matter who is working with it but the owner just thinks it's SO KYOOT when Snorty the Dumbass prances and jumps and lunges and tries to bite everyone in a 100-foot radius.

"He's just playing! And those are love bites!"

blatantanimalidiocy.blogspot.com

Trainer X said...

LMAO!!!! Snorty the Dumbass!! LOL!!!

chickenrider said...

Yep. My guy was almost 17 hands and thought he was Mr. Studly-hot-stuff. He would mow right over people if you didn't establish who was in charge. Sometimes it was just a matter of getting his attention--"hey! *yank* down here dammit!!!"

If you werent' firm he would just blatantly ignore you. Whereas I used to play tag with him in the indoor arena or the pasture. I'd chase him for a while and then turn my back, he'd come up and goose me in the neck with his lips or nudge my shoulder.

Amanda Nicole said...

LMAO "wrapped around his hoof"

That's me!! :]

My horse is a mama's boy for sure and he'll try stuff when he thinks mom's not lookin. He'll also be a big butt for people trying to ride him and they'll ask "How do you get him to do that?" I just laugh. He isn't dangerous but I've definitely seen/ heard of him trying to pull things with other people that he would never never do around mom ;)
In a weird way though, it almost makes me happy that he just wants to behave for his mama.

lachellesays said...

Hmm... we never really had a horse quite like that at our barn. The "Momma's Boy". We did have a horse that bit/kicked/ran over/anything he could do to kill you, but he was a lesson horse. He bit some girl in the chest, it was the nastiest horse bite I've ever seen. Ironically when he first came to our barn his name was Delight. Maybe he was upset we changed his name to Sammy : ) The barn owner just kinda got rid of him one day. No one really knows where he went...

twhlady said...

My Walking horse is a definite Momma's Boy. I am the only one who can catch him with out the great chase around 30 acres in one pasture before rounding the other 15 in the adjoining. Undersaddle he is antsy on lead line for non-horsey neighbor kid(really annoying). Will settle down when I give him the "Mom" look. Undersaddle for husband is a whole nother ball game he trys to scrape him off on trees and often flips his bit to avoid doing what hubby says(also a non-horsey rider). He is a perfect angel for me though. The only thing he has done with me is after I first got him back under saddle he tried to scrape me off on a tree and we had a very firm "discussion". Me within an inch of his face and him looking at me like oh crap she's mad.

Serendipity said...

There's a pony in our barn, who was orphaned and raised by my trainer's kids. Problem is, they did things with him like letting him lay in their laps, or they'd pick up his front hooves and try to teach him to dance with them.

Now fifteen years later he still tries to do the same thing, and he looks so hurt when he gets corrected. I don't think he'll ever stop, and I feel bad that he doesn't understand why it's not okay to lay on people when you weigh 900 lbs instead of 90.

Hyena Overlord said...

lacelle, I used to ride two lesson horses like that. Both used to bite when you tried to bridle them. One managed to bite me on the underside of my forearm. I still have a lump there. No one else would ride them. I never worked any magic on them to make them safe, I just stayed out of reach and on my toes. The only safe place around them was on their backs.

Hyena Overlord said...

lachelle..sorry my bad spelling took over.

GoLightly said...

LOL
Oh, a wise old schoolie, first horse I ever jumped, was in a standing stall. He'd threaten to murder you, if you came near. Once you did, he was all sweetness and light.
He was just kiddin'
;)

arabian1999 said...

omg this post was great!thats just like my arab!. my arab is my first horse i raised him from a colt.he will do anything for me!.first show 6th out of 23 ask him and he will do it. i can steer stop and back him without ever lifting the reins off his neck. but anyone else better watch out!he loves to make people fly!. my husband has two fractured vertebre from him. this horse cant even walk in a streight line with anyone else. but for me hes as good as gold.i have even taken the kids to school on his back no problem