I Have to Do What?!??!!

OK so about a year and a half ago I rescued this cute little thoroughbred-cross. He is a scrumptious blood bay with a cute perfect blaze. A BEAUTY!! So every day I would work with him, and at first I'd thought that we had actually bonded. He is very in your face and lovey, wants attention to the point where if you're working on something else he may need to go to a different pasture. I felt great!!! This horse was going to be a dressage prospect. He has an amazing floaty natural trot. Something that just blows your mind, like where in the hell did this come from???? So anyway, as I continued my progress with him I one decided it was time to tack him up and get ready be backed. He stood like a gentlemen for the saddling and bridling, he was amazing while being lunged. I was so in love. So I worked with him for about 15 minutes of putting a bit of weight into the stirrup, jumping up and down next to the saddle, smacking the seat of the saddle. I did this for over 3 days. I ground drove him to make sure he knew what his brakes were. He was doing amazing! So I was finally to the point where I could stand in my left stirrup and it didn't bother him one bit. Well after all that time of getting him ready, it was an awesome Monday night and I was going to mount this horse this time! I was going to out both of my feet in the stirrups and by golly he'd have had a person on him... I got him as planned after going through our routine, of lunging and such. He stood for a minute...and took the fuck off. BRONCO STYLE!!! I jumped off of him while his butt was all the way in the air and when came down I actually landed on my feet, but then my left ankle blew out... the owner of the barn was there, and so she and her hubby took me to the ER where they confirmed my shattered ankle. How was it that something I was so sure of blew up in my face like??? So long story short, I had to get surgery and was our for 3 months. Once I could ride again, I began training again with NO problems. Ah hell I'd get on any damn horse out there. But one... I knew that one day I'd have to get back on that wily bastard that broke me instead of the other way around LOL!! So after some more time I finally got him tacked up again as if nothing had ever happened. Everything was going fabulous! Until I went to get on him. I was "Really? I have to fucking do this??" OMG that damn horse had my number and I was about to PISS myself. there was no way I could get back on him. He'd kill me for sure this time. Wouldn't he. I stood there on that mounting block for over 45 minutes *shaking*, while he stood patiently beside me. WTF?!?!? "OK come on you an do this" "come on, Come On, COME ON!!!!!!" Finally I was able to get my foot into the stirrup and lean some pressure on him, all the while my heart is guaranteed to tear from my chest. "FUCK, I do this ALL the time! What's the big damn deal?!?!?! Get on the HORSE!!!" Oh god, this is what people pay me to do?!?! *sweating* I've done this a 1,000 times if I've done it once *white knuckle* Ok so after standing there next to him like a big puss, I finally just went all in. I got on him, and do you know what he had the nerve to do?!?!?!?!? NOTHING!!! :):):):) he stood there like a perfect gentlemen and has been fabs ever since. But, OMG I'll never forget what that day felt like. The fear, the worry and the long awaited relief! We trainers can certainly have days just like everyone else where we feel as though we my actually piss ourselves LMAO!!!!!! It certainly isn't a bad thing for anybody though :):):) this is definitely how I felt about horses that day!!