Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Horse Husband
Ahhhh yes the horse husband. MOST of our significant others would really rather have ZIPPO to do with our insane obsessive love of these 4 legged beasts. BUT, as any woman knows when we smell of hay, sweat, manure, and that sweet amazing smell of horse, we feel there is nothing better, a truly Indescribable experience. For the others in our lives however, they would like nothing more than for there to be an automatic, horsey smell defunker right outside the front door. HOWEVER, there is an exception to the "typical" scared, confused, left out horse husband and this "The HorseMAN Husband." Now typically, this is how this particular breed of man sees himself; Dressed in black on his beautiful black stallion rearing and riding off into the beautiful sunset. My boyfriend for example, when he first EVER sat on a horse, was on one of my most DEAD-ASS broke mares in existence. When he got on her for the first time, he immediately took off in a "gallop" (actually a lope.) LMAO!!! Then after "galloping" for a few minutes he notices a very tiny cross rail set up, no bigger than 6 inches off the ground, and as he merely LOPES over it, he's yelling "HELL YES!! I'VE JUST JUMPED!!!! You guys see that shit?!" Then he runs over to his friend so they can do the chest bump. *JOKING* (There was no actual chest bumpage that occured, but oh I'm sure it crossed his mind!) So anyway as he's yelling about his AMAZING dare devil jumping skills I'm thinking *sigh* No darling, no you didn't. But try telling him that. To this day when he talks about it he claims it was a minimum 2 feet! *snork!* What the fuck ever! LOL! The real TRUTH of the matter is, is that he, like ALL men of this type, have the Zorro complex. And that they should be named Pro Horseman of the Year 2008!!! LMAO!! I have a student whose husband truly believes he's a Pro rider, trainer, vet, farrier, and god only knows what else. He rides a VERY old insanely well trained mare, so of course, AGAIN he thinks he is god's gift to horseback. It's even better when I'm trying to give his wife lessons and he chimes in with his nonsense blabber that he sees as "training tips." Um SWEETIE! You can NOT take things that you've read out of a book, or heard me say like a month ago, repeat it, and think that makes you an expert. UGH! But, aside for our favorite men (our stallions and geldings) these 2 legged creatures come in at a close second, and I would never try to break their hearts by telling them that this is what they REALLY look like. LOL!!!!