Shady Business...

Liars, thieves, cheaters, abusers, ugh. Horse people get a bad rep from time to time (often) and why is that??? Because it feels that most are just out to make a buck no matter what it takes!! And that is the honest truth. Now OBVIOUSLY we are not ALL like that but the ones who are just out for themselves? Oooooohh drives me crazy. It's so dirty! And do I have an example? Oh you bet I do!!

What you're told you're getting--------------------------->

I have a friend who runs her own rescue program in Port Orchard and she was contacted by a woman in Issaquah who had a TB Mare she needed gone. OK, now my friend in Port Orchard rescues horses that are capable of being retrained and leased out to 4-H kids whose parents can't afford to buy a horse and she leases them out for DIRT CHEAP!!! So anyway the lady in Issaquah, Wendy, tells my friend that this mare has free jumped 4'6 and has schooled at 3foot under saddle and is professionally trained in dressage and bleh blah, bleh. So my friend who knows NOTHING about English riding, goes out there to visit and see this mare. Wendy rides her and my friend rides her and all seems OK except her brakes are really less than par, but we can fix that. So my friend calls me and asks me to go pick her up which is no problem. Well as usual my schedule gets all goofed around and it goes from me picking her up Tuesday to Friday, then back to Thursday. OK I will get her Thursday for SURE! Well my friend calls Wendy and Wendy begins to completely bitch her out and disrespect her, telling her that she wants this mare gone and shE should just call the canner and she needs to get her head on straight because she's too ignorant and OMFG!!! So I am 100% prepared for this lady to be a complete bitchface when I go there to get the mare. So My friend tells me don't forget the paperwork and back over that bitch when you have the horse LMAO!

What you ACTUALLY GET---------->

So I get there with a couple of my students and we pick up the mare and I am putting off this air of confidence because I really do not want to go rounds with this damn woman. Well it seems to work and Wendy is being very polite and nice until we load the mare. The she says to me "Oh the mare is almost too big for your trailer. Especially since it's just a QUARTER HORSE trailer." WHOA! WTF?!?!? Well the trailer belongs to the people who were with me that night and I swear I had to hold back my laughter form how bitchy and stuck-up this woman was and also how pissy she was getting because we weren't falling for her nonsense. She also tells me that she once had this mare sold for $7500, but for some reason the deal fell through *snork* (yeah F-ing right!) Whatever... She owns a 2.5 million farm in Issaquah and another huge mansion on Mercer Island, good for her, I don't care. It really loses all of it's appeal when you're just a flaming BITCH!!

Well we are getting ready to leave and I ask for the papers and Wendy tells me "Oh she doesn't come with papers and I told your friend that." OK whatever let's just go. So we get her to my place as I'm going to put 30 days on her of jumper training and I let her settle in for a day and decide to work her the next. I lunge her and free lunge her over some jumps. The mare had NEVER jumped a day in her LIFE! I could barely get her over a 2'3 JUMP!!! She has terrible conformation, her back is way too long her rump is way higher that her wither and you can tell that she was severely trained on the forehand. So I ground drive this mare and guess how far she drops her nose?? ALL THE WAY behind the vertical. Someone (Wendy) taught her the Rollkur. No wonder her brakes are sub par. So I get on her and she's OK. Nothing to write home about though *sigh*. I'll keep you all updated on how the training of this fab mare continues to go. *headdesk* she's a pretty thing though don't get me wrong cute face, but that's about it.

Moral of this story? I really should have backed over this bitch with the trailer! *j/k* (maybe) Any who... you know it's not a big deal to me how much training a horse has had just tell the damn truth! This mare is now going to take me who knows how long to get ready, because I have to full blown re-train this mare, when all I thought I was doing was just giving her a tune-up! Shady liars!! Only out for themselves... need a serious reality check! too many people get screwed over this way. People are way too anxious to rid themselves of horses that they'll to you it can jump to the moon and back. When looking take someone you trust and always trust your gut. I myself will sometimes send pics or have my farrier look at horses just for a second and different outlook and opinion. Do not get screwed, but don't worry too much either... these shady slime bags ALWAYS get what's coming to them!!! *smirk*

And 1,2,3, and 1,2,3

So for some people, OK MOST people those of us who have horses typically work in an office or have some crappy job that tides us over each week from paycheck to paycheck so we can party with our ponies. Now I typically train full time, but every now and then I need some sort of residual income. *sigh* So when that time comes I like other am stuck in an office for a few dreaded hours. Now most people, if you're like me have zero time for anything else. Everything in my life takes a back seat to my horses, which includes a gym membership. So I have come up with some basic office exercises to keep me in shape whilst wasting my life behind a desk.

The squat: I stand behind my office chair so I can rest my hands on it, keeping my back straight I go up and down as many times as I can until I feel as though I may never be able to walk again.

Desk-ups: I do push ups against my desk a lot of them!!! I also will use the arm of my chair to push my self up and back down, great for the triceps!

Stairs: Well what can I say, I use stairs whenever possible.

Crunchies: When no one is looking it's crunch time.

Always stretch and remember there is no shame in just marrying some rich old guy to support your horse habit, so you can just nix the whole JOB thing or playing the lotto!! LMAO!!! Have a great weekend.

The Young & the Horses, All My Horses, Days of Our Horses.

Horse Profession = Soap Opera Drama. There is gossip and scandal and the hero and the villain and love, and DRAMA!!!! Got to loves me some drama. *head slamming to desk*

So last fall I was asked to get a Kiger Mustang stallion (Brody) ready for the annual stallion parade. The lady who owned him also had another stallion (Fireman) in training with someone else, who she really wasn't overly fond of. She got stuck with the other trainer due already having paid her before she found me and had been fooled by all the "promises" the trainer had made. The owner had to make an appt. to even SEE HER horse, she was NOT allowed to ride him unless she was taking a PAYING lesson with the trainer. Fishy, fishy...

**OK, side note here, if someone won't let me come see my horse w/o an appt. than what in the hell are they doing to my horse that they don't want me to see?!?!?!? F-That...**

So I'm getting the Brody ready and minding my own business and the owner is often at my barn because well, I LOVE people coming by (for the most part) and she's so distressed about Fireman and she finds out the "trainer" is 24 yrs old and her husband was a big wig in the army and he was around 42 and really controlling and he's the one calling all the shots, and the trainer PROMISED her that she would ride Fireman in the parade, but then her husband said she couldn't (WTF???) blah, blah, blah. Now I'm going to be honest here. I DON'T CARE!! It's not my business, not my horse, not my problem. Oh, but it soon became my problem...

So the day comes and I'm down at the Stallion Parade with the owner and all her horses and their "get" and the owner is supposed to ride Fireman into his part of the Parade. Well here's the problem, stupid ass trainer lady never let her ride her horse so she had NO clue how he was going to be and Fireman is a bit highstrung anyway. So I'm like OK, OK, let me take fireman and work out his kinks and get him settled down enough for you to ride him. Well now while I'm getting him ready guess who shows up with an Appy stallion that she's going to be riding in the parade?? Oh yes, little missy prissy pants and her fab husband... Now I really have no personal issue at this time except that she lied and was really weird. It just makes the rest of look bad, that's all. Anyway so I start to lunge F.M. and hmmmm he doesn't lunge, OK, no problem, I'll round pen him, well he doesn't do that either. So forget I'll just get on him I guess. So I do and he is shaking like a leaf. Does NOT know how to rein and the speed he has is "I'm terrified so I'm going to go really fast, or buck." I'm going to go ahead and brush it off as he's scared. No big. So I take him back to the owner and I tell her that I think I have most of the kinks worked out, but honestly I'm NOT OK with her riding him in to the arena and that I'll do it. She sighs this heavy breath of relief, jumps practically into my arms and is repeatedly thanking me as she was way too scared to do it. So I get on him and we head to the arena and I go in and he is a BALL of Dynamite! I kept him as calm as possible, but I could feel the tension in him. He is doing great, responding to me as best as he can, our song is over, we trot to the center of the arena and as I go to dismount the audience is clapping wildly (he was a beautiful horse) F.M. Goes Straight into the air. I hang on and maybe the audience thought I was doing a Zorro, I cranked his nose around and was off him in a flash. I waved and made my leave and then it hit me. That F**king Dumb B**ch would have gotten the owner seriously hurt or killed. Fireman was NOT broke or safe enough for ANYONE other than a GOOD trainer to work with. He was even MORE tense about being worked with and worse off than before she even sent him to training. And the trainer made no mention of any of this to the owner. What was her reaction going to be when the owner busted her skull open?? "Um, *hair twirl* he never did that me?!" Yeah, that's because you NEVER WORKED WITH HIM!!! Now I had an issue. It is OUR damn job as trainers to make these horse as safe as possible for people to ride and we ask a lot of money to do it and this bitch...ohhhhh this bitch...

Now I'm out for blood. The other trainer was in the arena with the Appy stud and when she finished I was right there waiting. I asked her if she'd seen F.M. go and she said "Oh yeah, he looked amazing." Well that's about the time I lost it. I called her ass out in front of everybody. The fact of what an F-ed up trainer she is, she had no morals, no heart, she's a liar and could've gotten someone KILLED! On and On and On. Well the judges of this "parade" are not stupid, they could tell I was having some issues with F.M. while I was in there, so they ended up kicking her out and I made damned sure she refunded ALL the supposed training that she did on F.M. to the owner, and I come to think of it... I haven't heard from her since... no ads, no shows, no nothing. Good, she was a damn waste of flesh anyway. Gossip and news in the horseworld spreads like wildfire which can help you or hurt you...

To begin with, it was never my problem. However, I am FIERCELY loyal to my clients, as they are to me. But, if you choose to use multiple trainers that's fine. I will NEVER discourage the use of another trainer, second opinion, whatever. But I take it immensely personal when you represent yourself as a trainer and then pull shit like that could've seriously hurt someone, see then I'm forced to hurt you...

Would You Like Some Common Sense with That????

No? No common sense for you? OK well, no big. *headdesk*

You know, I'm really starting to think that it should be mandatory to have a licence in order to own a horse. As any true horse person knows, you are going to come in contact with some people who own a horse, but are just way too stupid to own one. "Why Trainer X, have you encountered one of theses people???" YES! Yes I have, lately it seems to be more often than not. Why don't people understand that purchasing a horse does NOT mean that you automatically "know something" about horses. Horses aren't gerbils for God's sake. Or goldfish. Horses require a hair more intelligence in their ownership.

"OK, let's go down the list. I have a bridle, saddle, carrots, a brush, common sense. Wait, where in the hell is my common sense? Hmmm I wonder if my local feed store has any in stock, I'm fresh out." *snort*

Example time!!!!! Yay!!! *confetti*

Example #1. A ladies horse at one of my barns kicks it's legs through the tongue and groove stall, ripping the flesh and some meat right off her back legs. So, the owner is called and told "hey you need to come down here, check out your horse perhaps get a bandage on it, call a vet." The owner's response? "Oh she'll be fine for awhile, I need to take a shower before I head up there." Whaaaaaaaaaat?!?! I thought they were joking when they told me that story. But sadly it was confirmed when the owner herself told me. Needless to say she got quite an earful from me.

Example #2. "My semi-hardkeeper t-bred is a bit light in the weight department so I need her to gain weight. So what I think I'll do is leave her in her stall for 2 weeks straight, then feed her 8 flakes of alfalfa a day, plus cob, and oats. she's gaining weight but boy does she seem tense??"

Example #3. "I know nothing about horses, but own so what I'm going to do is take the advice of 14 different people, plus books and try to apply it ALL to my horse."

Example #4 LAST NIGHT!!! *chuckle* I was giving lessons and a woman came out with her horse who is about to jump out of her skin, and the woman says, "hee hee I haven't ridden my 'YOUNG, HOT' horse in 5 weeks." So I tell the lady, well if I were you, I would lunge her first. Make sure she gets some of that excess energy out. The horse was seriously about to burst into flames she was so hot and tense. The super intelligent response I receive?? "Oh no John Lyons doesn't lunge his horses, so neither do I." Whaaaaaaaaaaa???? OK?!?! My reply? "I can guarantee you that he ROUND PENS them first." Nope sorry she's not interested. Well you know I don't really know if he lunges or not, but I can guarantee that YOU are NO FUCKING JOHN LYONS! If he doesn't want to lunge/round pen his horses that's fine because HE CAN RIDE! OR he'll have an assistant get on a hyper horse! *Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh* OK, calm down. So the woman gets on her horse and gee guess what happens? With in 5 minutes she's in the dirt! Big shocker there! So now what's her solution?? She's going to CHASE the ever loving hell out of her horse around the entire 80x140 arena. Boy, that's really teaching the horse something you twit. It's been brought up to her before to round pen her horse, but she says the round pen is too small for her horse to run in and that she can't go full speed. *snork what?* It's a 60ft round pen! And she doesn't need to go full speed!!

You would honestly think that being able to ride and enjoy a more willing and sane horse with not quite so much energy would be more appealing. Riding so you could progress and learn something. Relax and enjoy yourself. But that shows you what I know! *head shaking*

I'm really beginning to think that for every competent horse person that there are 3 asshats. 3-1? Oh my those poor, poor horses. On the other hand maybe this is Darwinism at it's best? Weeding out the dumb? Hmmmm I like the sound of that.

Put up or Shut up!

As a student taking lessons I for the most part always trusted my trainers. I always got to watch them ride their horses and I would sit in awe and absorb everything I could. If there was ever a question on if I felt safe or confident enough to do something, then my trainers would actually SHOW me. That worked out great as I am more of a visual learner anyway. I always figured, well if my trainer could do, and he asks me to do it, then why the hell not?!?!?!?

I kind of adopted that as one of mantras. I will NEVER ask a student to do something that I myself, won't, can't am to scared to do.

This all came into play after I met a student who was a bit older than me and she told me that her instructor was having her do these terrifying jump combos, and she kept screwing them up. She didn't feel advanced enough or confident enough. She was having trouble understanding what is was that she was doing wrong, let alone what she doing period!!! So one day before her lesson she asked her instructor to show her how to actually do the combo. Well her instructor skirted around the subject, told her to get ready and get into the arena. So it came time to do the jump and again she said, "I really want to see YOU do this combo so that I can understand it better. Can you please, please show me." Well the instructor grabbed ANOTHER student, threw her up on the horse and made the other student do it instead. Hmmmm that doesn't seem too fair now does it? When you are paying for a PROFESSIONAL to school you and teach you and they charge you an arm and a leg, don't you think you see some proof in the pudding? Well as it turned out that particular student actually NEVER saw the instructor EVER ride!! Her "assistant" would always ride. Now I happen to know the instructor that she was referring too and even knew a couple other people who had ridden with her and there was NEVER a reason for her not to ride or show her students. She wasn't hurt, disabled, old, fat, skinny, NOTHING!! Now as it actually turns out when the instructor was younger, apparently she took a spill in a 3'6 hunter over fences class. That's it. Nothing hurt but her pride. So why does this seem to be a pet peeve of mine???

Well as a trainer/instructor there is a definite level of trust that you have to have with your students and vice versa. I get nervous over some things and when I do I just have to pull that confidence back out and do it. OR I will re-evaluate the situation. So if I, as a trainer don't feel comfortable with something why would I throw my students under the bus? I don't want them hurt or scared away from riding?? If I ask them to do something that they're sketchy on I will either A. find out why. What are their concerns? What are they feeling? or B. Show them. If it's a training issue like they're not ready or prepared to safely accomplish the task then that as a trainer is my fault. But if they're anxious, nervous or just excited, but are capable enough riders to accomplish said task, then if they need me to, I'll show them.

I am fully well aware that there are some fabulous trainers out there who MAY be incapable of doing this and that's fine too. Maybe they do have an injury, or can't do certain things for some reason, and actually those trainers are the damn BEST at explaining how to actual perform the task. And there maybe some students who just want to see the trainer ride, well I'm not going to be getting get up and down off a horse 20 times in one lesson, but I will do whatever I can to make sure that my lessons are being taught and understood clearly. Sometimes you won't be able to get your trainer on your horse because it's something that YOU need to learn to handle, and I do that as well, but there is no reason that you can't watch your trainer ride some other time. Find out when they ride and if they mind a small inquiring audience. You can also watch another more advanced rider take a lesson as well and see how the trainer is then too. You'll learn a lot by watching others ride. As a trainer my (our) mission should be (is) to keep everyone safe, learning, and having fun. Again some trainers may NOT be able to physically show you, don't hold that against them (make sure that it's genuine and they're not just being scaredy-pusses). BUT, for the most part they/we really need to put up or SHUT UP!!!

But, She's sooooooooooo Beautiful!!!!!!

So one of my clients boards at a stable with another woman who is probably as crazy as the days are long. She is an older RE-Rider. She used to ride as a kid, however, never took formal lessons or learned about horse care, or anything for that matter except how to get on a horse, kick it and hang on. And that's exactly what she does, flopping all over the saddle arms waving like she's going to take off into flight. It's not even funny it's down right scary. OK so what type of horse does an absolutely GREENIE GREEN rider acquire??? Well what else, but an off the track T-bred(OTTB).

Ah yes the Thoroughbred. Classic in it's beauty, graceful in it's movements, a talented animal that knows no bounds, hyper-active, strong-willed, hot-temperament, nothing but energy and strength wrapped up in a bay skin... OK WHOA! Stop for just a damn minute!!!! *slap, slap* Hello wake up call!!! An OTTB for a Green rider??? How on earth did this happen??

Um...because she's perty. I'm serious, that was the explanation that was given to us one day when we asked her why. This mare is a typey bay thoroughbred with a star. Uh like THOSE aren't a dime a dozen??? Anyway so this mare very obviously rules the roost in this case. She kicks at the woman and bites her, bucks and rears, won't stand to save her life. When the woman is riding her she has one gait. Gallop to the left. Well, now technically the mare is doing what she's supposed to because she hasn't been taught anything different. But, this woman has been dumped into a river, tossed from side to side, and then has the gall to put her 7 yr old daughter on this mare!!! *head slamming to desk*

So, one day I was approached to help her out and the maybe teach the mare some manners. So I did what I always do when first working with someone and a new horse. I sit back and observe them in their natural habitat. I want to see everything that they do, everything that happens, every kick out and tail swish. I want to see what habits have already been formed and what they consider "normal behavior." *Gulp* And it wasn't pretty at all.

The mare kicks at the woman while she's brushing her and she giggles and says what is she doing??? Hee Hee. So I tell her to use a softer brush on that sensitive little T-bred skin and see what happens. Well it's better, but when I step in to brush the mare and she kicked at me she got her tummy swatted by the palm of my hand. And the funny thing is she never tried to kick out again. Hmmmmmm.

OK, let's skip straight ahead to ride time. Um well, what more do I say? She gallops to the left. Wildy may I add. So I start having this woman go straight back to the basics of a mellow, under control walk and trot. No cantering for a long, long time. Well this goes on for a couple weeks and then one day she says to me "can you get on her, she's just not listening." So I do and I relax my body into the saddle, relax my hands and ask the mare to trot forward, slowing her down with my posting and body every time she goes to fast. So I work with her for an hour and the woman is just saying how beautiful her mare is and how perfect she looks, and blech. So again, I instruct the woman on what to practice on every day. Well I'm still getting a very hyper active, not at all controlled horse like the one that I had 2 days ago. Why? Why is this happening to me? The mare quit listening and her ground manners reverted back to her old snotty self. So as I'm talking with the barn owner and some other people the answer to my questions slaps me in the face. "It's because she's pretty." What? WTF does that mean? Well little miss mare and her oh so genius owner have come to some sort of sadistic agreement that as long as she's pwetty, she can do what she wants. So, huh? I know I know! Crazy right?? So, during our lesson I'm teaching her some new things and the woman is telling me how I ride her so much better and how well she behaves for me, but frankly she's just much prettier galloping blindly to the left. I know you all think I'm joking about this, but I'm as serious as a heart attack! This woman truly believes that beauty supersedes any form of training, or SAFETY!!! She's always telling people "I know you want to ride my mare, she's soooooo bootyfull!!" So after my eyes were done bulging out of my head and I'd regained some sort of composure, we decided to part our separate ways. There is no helping someone who wishes not to be helped. You think this story is over don't you??

Well I still train and give lessons at this barn so I see the woman often and we're on good terms *cough psycho cough* well come on she kind of is... OK so I hear through the magical horse barn grape vine (which at ANY barn always runs like wildfire!!) that the woman has been hurt numerous times and things have gone from bad to worse *really?? That was possible??* And that she's going to send the mare to training. Now at this time everyone in the barn is telling her that she REALLY REALLY needs to just get a new horse, one that more fits her abilities (or lack there of). But Oh, no this is the horse for her. So it finally dawns on me. What good is training going to do for this mare, when it's really the owner that needs training??? How do you get through to someone who is so blind to their own horse?? I mean I understand a person loving their horse, and OTTB can truly become some of the best damn horses under the right training, experience and riding. But, as of now here we sit. Just waiting for the dynamite to go off. Now even though I do not train her anymore doesn't mean I still don't worry, it's a train wreck on it's way, and the woman should know better, she's a nurse for heaven's sake!!! But I suppose you could say even I have learned an incredibly valuable lesson from this... Nothing else matters when your horse is PERTY!!! *sigh, head shake* Whatever...

It's like we're Married!?!?!?!?

Ahhh yes. Marriage. A commitment that's supposed to last forever. A union between 2 people or a person and their horse. WAIT! WHAT!?!?!?! OK, OK I'm seriously kidding about marrying your horse, but sometimes it CAN feel that way. It's a hell of a commitment. So in order to carry on with this life long commitment of give and take (mostly give I swear ask my bank account), there must be some bonding time. Bonding? With your horse? Uh, yeah, it's a must! Your horse does not want to be worked 24/7 with no cuddle time. Confused yet? It's OK allow me to explain.

SO! I get a fair amount of people who tell me that their once "perfect" horse has suddenly begun to act up and what is going on and blah, blah, blah. Well all work and no play make pony pones a dull(angry) boy. It is YOUR job to make sure that your horse understands that he shouldn't dread every time you show your face at his stall. Well how? By special bonding time! You bond with people? Then yes you can bond with your horse! How? Easy!!!

Play games in the arena with your best bud. Tag, chase, just walk around. Oh and do this safely by the way. Don't get trampled please. Also take your horse out for some nice hand grazing. Or let them go out and roll and get dirty and buck and play and be horses. Grab a book or magazine and a chair and sit out in their pasture while they graze. Your horse needs to understand that you have nothing but the best intentions for them and the only way they'll understand that is through horse-speak. Meaning; playing, relaxing, grazing, getting groomed in the sunshine, find your horses sweet spot, take them for a walk in hand, stand in their stall and groom or pet them while they chow down. Get a ball you both can kick or stomp at. It will do wonders for your relationship as well as their mental health and stress levels. It's like the posting I did about arena sour horses. They CRAVE a change of scenery and something that does not require them to be tacked up worked every day. Even when you give them a day off and let your full care barn handle everything, you're not doing anything that is productive for you or your horse. You need to be there with them and have them learn that you are not all strict business ALL the time, that you have this fun, relaxed, playful side too. You will NOT believe the amount of good this will do for you and your horse. I tend to get a lot of people who look at me as if I'd just grown a tail or something, but then again they'll never have what I have with my horses. My horses are happy to work with me. Happy to do as I ask, because they know that we'll have some fun later too! They show better, and they trust me and I trust them. I know their every move and thought. I just know them inside and out and make I strict point of doing that with all my horses. It keeps me safe and happy, and it keeps them safe and happy. We have less arguments, no lack of communication, we're less stressed, etc. It's EXACTLY like bonding with another human being!!! You'll get the same results! Just remember to keep your games safe and start with things that are more controlled. You don't want to run around in an arena and play with a horse that may accidently play to rough at first, or no know how, or might get scared. I play with my show horse in the arena and we chase each other around and other people will watch and say "Oh my God! He's going to run into you, trample you, kick you, bleh." Nope, not a chance, I stay a safe distance and have a crop for the just in case. Plus I've been around him long enough to know the goofy things he's going to do. LOL!!!

A strong bonded relationship with your horse is something money could never buy. It just takes a bit of time, and I think you'll have just as much fun as your equine friend, if not a little more.